Family Finances Need More Discussion
Family arrangements in the US have become more "diverse." (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
One of the toughest things for families to discuss is money matters.
Sometimes we don’t discover that there’s a problem until family members have lost money or have plunged deep in debt.
Much of the disconnect with money has to do with our culture: We don’t like to talk about it and when we do it only has to be in a positive sense, i.e., “I just bought this great stock” or “I won the lottery.” Negative money talk doesn’t do well at the family bbq or neighborhood get-together. And the money taboo doesn’t go away when we age.
According to the National Endowment for Financial Education (NEFE), an excellent group that researches financial issues, some seven out of 10 Americans surveyed have “major barriers” that halt family members from openly discussing financial issues on behalf of older family members. Then there’s the problem of dementia, which will impact more than half of those over 85.
* Ask your relative on a regular basis if they’ve been getting any unsolicited calls. Sometimes aggressive bill collectors will harass older people, because they answer the phone more than younger folks. Maybe they are not current on their bills. You have to ask them directly in a curious way: Did you see your latest property-tax bill? Did it go up or down? How are your utility bills? If they say they “don’t know,” then press further.
* Have a plan. Which siblings or other relatives will regularly check on the elder member of your family? They should check in at least once a month or more frequently if cognitive impairment is an issue. Spread out the responsibilities so that everyone does their fair share.
* Does your relative need power of attorney? Although I’ve seen this abused over the years, your older relative should delegate medical and financial power of attorney to a trustworthy family member (who is not having financial problems). This will allow them to make decisions in case of serious incapacitation. Monitor the person with the POA to see what needs to be done, such as paying bills.
* Be patient. It takes time and a great deal of patience to deal with these items. Make a checklist and discuss them at a family gathering. When my family recently moved my 85-year-old father from our family home, there were several months’ worth of details that needed to be resolved involving movers, donations, interim housing and finding a new home.
If you take your time, try to build a consensus on the best solutions, then you’ll not only help your family member, but bring your clan together. The key is communication and compassion.
